Players are the sharks of the dating pool. They are usually big and shiny and at first, look really impressive; when they land in your laps, you feel proud that all his charm and good looks are channeled at you.
His presence sends your pulse racing, his words leave you spellbound, but you have this nagging feeling of not quite getting the whole deal. Sometimes it all feels too good to be true, sorry to burst your bubble, most times it usually is. You know when your mama told you ‘that all that glitters is not gold?’ Mama knew there would be days like this. Well don’t be in a rush to toss the player back in the sea because if you are not looking for the long term yet, a fling with a player can be fun and you would learn a thing or two about how to spot one when you are ready to settle. These players and bad boys are the junk food of the dating world. Good for a quick bite, but bad for your long-term health.
Below is a check list of signs to look out for, if your new boo ticks 3 boxes you have a yellow alert, 5 boxes you have an orange alert, seven boxes is a red alert, you should run for the hills.
Mr. no show: He fails to follow through: He might say that he’ll call or go out with you, but when the time comes, he flakes. He often comes up with lame excuses later, but somehow manages to make up for it JUST enough to get you to see him another time. If you call him out on it, he is only slightly apologetic, or acts like you’re the one who is making a big deal out of it.
Undercover brother: He’s a lone wolf:
you haven’t met his friends, family or anyone really significant, and he seems committed to keeping it that way. He doesn’t really talk much about either group. He never shares family stories or details of how growing up was like; he keeps things ‘surfacey’. When you ask about his family, he remains tight-lipped and changes the subject. You will never get beyond the threshold, its bad for his game.
See-saw soldier: He keeps you off balance: He should have knobs on his forehead that say “hot” and “cold.” No behavior of his is too small for him to be unpredictable with. One minute you two are having hot, ridiculously good bad-boy sex and the next, you’re wondering if he’s still in the room. You can’t get a read on what is happening between the two of you at all since there is no identifiable pattern to your interactions. Late nights are spent talking to your girlfriends, trying to analyze his behavior.
The ladies man: He seems to have a pack of women following him: Even if you’ve never seen or met these women, you can just feel it. When you’re around, he seems interested enough in you, but something about him gives you that feeling that there are other women waiting in the wings. He may intentionally give you this impression to keep you on the fringes or it may just be a nagging feeling that you get.
Lord victim: He’s got baggage. Abusive childhood? Check. Horrible past relationships? Check. Sob stories about being “misunderstood”? Check. Players often make us feel like if we could just get close to them, we could somehow “fix it” with our love and make their deep well of pain go away. Whether he’s really feeling pain or not, this is a masterful technique, since he manages to just make you feel bad enough for him that you want to stick around and make excuses for his bad behavior. If he’s “too raw” from his last relationship to call you and follow through with plans, you might have hooked a bad boy.
Last minute man: He’s allergic to planning: The Player holds out for the “bigger, better deal” when it comes to plans. This is why he’s resistant to nailing things down in advance. He isn’t concerned with scheduling dates since it leaves him in a position to cancel if he meets someone else or simply doesn’t feel like seeing you. He’d rather fly by the seat of his pants and “surprise” you when he’s feeling the urge.
IN is the new OUT: He suggests a lot of “hanging out.”: The “date” isn’t really something that he’s interested in, per se. He’d rather suggest that you both “hang out” at his place or yours, so that there is less financial investment, formality and obligation. It’s also easier to take your clothes off at his house while watching “Fast and Furious 7” than it is while you’re dining at Villa Medici.
Mr. emotionally unavailable: He will tell you he’s too conflicted/damaged/busy for a relationship: The player is perpetually “conflicted” about relationships. He will wax poetic about how he just “can’t do a relationship,” but he’ll keep calling you and trying to hang out. It’s a classic case of him doing one thing and saying another. He might make you feel like you’re the only one for him, while telling you that he “just got hurt too badly” to start a relationship. When anyone says they don’t want a relationship with you, BELIEVE them and run fast.
Sir needy: He’s selfish and indifferent: At no time do you sense that he puts your needs over his own. Even though he has moments when he appears to pay you a lot of attention, he seems indifferent to your feelings. When you get upset with him, over his unpredictable behavior or anything else, he shakes it off. It just doesn’t seem to bother him that you’re upset with him or that he’s responsible for causing a problem. No matter how pissed you get he quickly wants to get you to laugh and move on; the issues have to move back to his needs.
The sensual sage: The bedroom is hot: Players are pros in the sack, it’s usually the end game and it’s a massive reason why women even get hooked in the first place. Bedroom prowess alone obviously isn’t a sign that a guy is a bad boy, since tons of good MEN are wonderful in bed. But sexual bravado combined with the other signs on this list could signal that you have a problem on your hands. As selfish as he comes across, he makes the effort.
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